Abused and Abandoned
by tiana-swan-cullen
Summary: What if B moved on?what if E moved on?What if B ended up in the hospital with her twin kids? what if Carlisle was her doctor? what happens to Edward,Alice,Bella,and JASPER NOW? ExA and BxJ. WARNING:abuse and graphic rape. lemons too.THIS STORY IS MOVING TO ANOTHER ACCOUNT!TIANASWANCULLEN2
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight.**

**I promised to post my new story or one-shot today. Here it is.**

**Oh. Just to warn you, this chapter is full of abuse and graphic rape.**

I don't know where he is. Logan is always late. Always cheating with different sluts of the night. Always beating me. Always yelling at the twins for no reason. Always drinking. Vaneesa and Valerie deserve better. I deserve better.

I would have left so long ago. You know, when all the abuse started. Where would I go? When we moved to New York, he cut all ties I had with any one, but him. He doesn't even let me go outside. If do, it's always with him and the girls. I should've seen where the relationship was headed. Logan would get upset when I hung with anyone. He would accuse me of loving them more or worse—cheating on him. he slowly made me dependent solely on him.

It started with me moving in with him. Then with him convincing me to quit my job. Then he asked me to marry him. After the wedding, we moved to The big apple. I had honeymoon twins 8 months later.

Through the pregnancy, he made fun of my weight. I mean, hello! I'm having twins here! When the twins were born, he started the physical abuse. He slapped me when I said something he thought was sarcastic or smart. He'd punch me when his dinner wasn't ready or if I put on anything pretty.

Now he was even yelling at my babies! When I tried to defend them, he'd beat me when I sent them to their rooms. My babies were scolded when they laughed around him. After he left the room, I'd play with them and tell them it was okay to laugh and play. I'd tell them that daddy was just being daddy.

I don't know why he feels the need to regulate the food. He barely buys enough groceries for me to cook for him and me. At the end of the day, I give my food to the girls so they can eat. I'd eat whatever is left. There is someone else living here because this definitely isn't the man I fell in love with.

One day, when I was washing clothes, I found a number in his pants pocket. I called it and a lady named Sarah picked up. She hung up when I told her I was Logan's wife. Every night he comes home late, he smells like her cheap perfume.

No one wants me. Men treat me like crap. I can say this from experience. I dated a human and a vampire. I'm not good enough. I want to get out of this 'relationship' or whatever what we have can be called. If I did leave or call the police, he'd find me. He knows so many crooked cops. Logan has the money and the power to take my babies away from me forever.....

I put his dinner in the microwave to reheat. Laughter rang through the house. Val and Ness were playing in the living room. The laughter stopped. I knew why automatically when, I heard the little feet running down the hall. Logan was home and he was drunk.

When Logan sauntered into the kitchen, he walked over to me and punched me. Over and over and over again. I could fell the blood running from my nose and my head. When he kicked me, I spit up blood. Logan gripped my hair and pulled me down the hall. I was kicking and screaming as loud as I could. I knew what he was about to do when he dragged me into the room he called his chamber. He usually kept it locked.

"No!" I yelled. He threw me to a corner and dropped his pants. "No!"I cried. I clamped my jaws and mouth as tight as possible. He grabbed my jaws and squeezed so hard my mouth opened slightly. That was enough for him.

He shoved himself into my mouth saying, "Bite me, Bitch, and I'll kill you." I gagged as he hit the back of my throat. Again and again. He put his hands on the back of my head and made me move with him. he fucked my mouth. When he came, I almost choked. He pulled out of me and slapped me hard. I tasted blood again.

He went to the corner and opened the drawer. He pulled out a knife and walked over to me. He held it by my throat and said, "Keep quiet or you're dead."

Logan stepped out of his pants and threw me on a cot. Slowly, he pushed up my skirt, lingering by my sex. He pushed my skirt to my waist and ripped my underwear off. He put my legs on his shoulder and licked one time between my lips. I shivered when he sucked my clit. He stuck circled it with his tongue before he tongue-fucked me. I did nothing but silently sobbed. When he was done with his little feast, he grabbed my hips and held my legs above me.

Logan stuck one finger in my butt and waited for me to stretch. He added another. And another. And another. He pulled out quickly and stuck his cock into me. Hard and fast. Over and over. The pain was unbearable. Never before had he done this. He came in my ass and finally pulled out. He grabbed the knife and I stood quickly, straightening my skirt.

Logan shook his head sadly.

"Now you'll die. You didn't scream my name. You didn't even cum for me. Tsk. Tsk." he said walking towards me. He raised the knife and I screamed. He stabbed me three times. I heard my babies yelling for him to stop. I was mildly aware of Val kicking Logan in his shin as hard as she could sending him to the ground. It wasn't hard to get him down since he was drunk. Ness bent at my side and asked me was I okay. I shook my head and told her to put my keys and purse in the car. She nodded and ran off.

Logan was trying to reach the knife. I grabbed it first and stabbed him in the stomach. I crawled to the car door. I pulled myself up using the handle and the kids climbed into the car. All I knew was that I needed to get to the hospital. I drove crazy, fighting for consciousness. I don't know how close I was to the hospital. I do remember the large truck headed right towards me and the girls screaming. Then I blacked out.

**Ohhh! Cliffy! Sorry! Tee-hee. Anyway so how do you like this story. PLZ!REVIEW! The more reviews i get the sooner I update. Reviews make me happy. Make me happy?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight.**

**Here is the second chapter to my newest story. Enjoy in Jasper's pov.**

**(Jasper's POV)**

I was on my way home when I got stuck in bad traffic. Apparently there had been an accident and the driver was seriously hurt. I had been doing good with the bloodlust these last couple of years. Somebody could bleed and I wouldn't react like I did at Bella's eightenth birthday party.

That day changed everything. Two days after the incident, Edward made everyone pack up and leave. Well, two weeks after that Alice and I drifted further apart. She had been very distant. She had a vision one night and wouldn't tell me what she saw.

As much as it pains me to say this, I didn't care. I slowly fell out of love with Alice; as she did me. So we separated. Everyone was shocked, Edward was still a shell, and Esme was depressed, still, about Bella. Emmett didn't crack jokes anymore; and even Rose stayed silent.

After about a month, I found out Alice had been seeing Edward behind my back. For a good two years, I didn't talk to either one of them. I couldn't take feeling their emotions and seeing them cuddle so I moved out. Not too far—that would have killed Esme—but a few streets down. Within a human walking distance.

All through those two years, I felt as if my life was missing something major. A whole part of me. I knew it wasn't Alice because I felt this emptiness when I was with her. I had, at that time, put it on the back burner.

Well we eventually mended our differences. I didn't blame Edward nor Alice. They had found love...in each other. For the past three years now. I was headed home from work. I interned at the hospital with Carlisle. That's how the blood isn't so bad now.

All of a sudden, my pager went off. 911. From the hospital. I turned around quickly and sped down town towards the hospital. I pulled up to the emergency doors. An ambulance was just pulling up and Carlisle ran out of the hospital with a half of the staff.

"What do we got?" I asked him as the ambulance prepared to take the people out of the back to be rushed into the hospital.

"A girl about 23 pregnant with her twins in the back collided with a truck. Apparently she was on her way to the hospital with several stab wounds when she blacked out. She also has old and new bruises covering her body. She appears to have been raped. We trying to stop the bleeding. The kids seem fine but one has a concussion. The other may or may not have internal injuries. The car had to be pryed apart to get the bodies out. The truck driver didn't make it. He died on spot. He was also drunk before this happened. Alcohol was all you could smell coming from him. The young lady is still breathing, but is unconscious." the paramedic rushed.

It was then that the gurney was rolling in front of my father and I.

"Bella," we gasped in unison. I stopped breathing because there was so much blood. You almost couldn't tell it was her. It looked as if she had been beaten multiple times before. And she was so skinny, one could assume she hasn't been eating.

"You know her?" the med asked. We just nodded.

I felt anger rise from me. It was coming in rays from my body. I wanted to kill whoever did this to her. I felt some strange pull to her. Carlisle looked at me.

"You need to calm down. Call Esme. Ask her to come down and bring Bella some clothes." I didn't object because I know I was way past angry. I'm sure everyone could feel it. I ran to my car and grabbed my cell phone. I dialed Esme's number.

"Hello?" she asked.

"Esme, it's me, Jasper," I rushed.

"What's wrong dear?"she asked.

"Its Bella. She's been stabbed multiple times and got into a car crash. She's unconscious. And it seems she was raped. She has twins and is pregnant. The kids were in the crash too. One seems to have a concussion. The other seems fine. Bella needs clothes. Carlisle told me to ask you to come down here and bring clothes with you." I said in one breathe.

"Oh my god. Umm... of course. I'll be right down there." She said. The shock was apparent in her voice. Then the phone went silent.

I got out of the car and walked towards the hospital doors. Bella was already in surgery. I scrubbed in and helped as much as I could to clean her up. Then I did a rape test. She had indeed been raped. I growled quietly. She had tearing in her areas. I was right to assume she hadn't eaten in a while. Her iron and sugar was extremely low.

Carlisle stopped the bleeding and mended her back up. He stitched her up and wrapped her ribs in a tight gauze. One was cracked and two others were bruised. Her babies were destroyed from the knife and crash. She was pregnant with twins. We rolled her to a room when we were done. Carlisle went to search for Esme.

I pulled up a chair beside her. I noticed a wedding band on her finger. Where was her husband? Why didn't he notice her not eating? Did he beat her? Is that how she got all of the bruises? I held her hand. I was very worried and that scared me. I was feeling complete sitting here. And that scared me.

"Oh Bella," I jumped a little. I was in m,y own little world so I didn't notice Esme come in. She was very worried. The worry came off of her in waves. After all these years, she still thought of Bella as a daughter.

Esme went to Bella's other side. After about an hour of sitting, Bella started to wake. She opened her eyes, but they quickly closed.

**(Bella's POV)**

Pain. All I felt was pain. I was swimming in darkness. I fought against it. It seemed hours before I reached the top. When I opened my eyes, I was blinded by bright light. I quickly shut my eyes. Slowly, I opened my eyes. They were adjusting to the bright light. Finally they adjusted and I could see. I nearly had a heart-attack at what I saw.

Jasper and Esme. I blinked furiously. I was imagining things. The Cullens had left like five years ago. When I was done blinking they were still here.

"Bella," I heard Jasper say at the same time I heard Esme say "Thank god!"

"W-w-what are you doing here? Wait where exactly am I?" I was confused. Then the events came rushing back to me. Logan. The knife. The crash... "MY BABIES. Where is Val and Ness? Are they okay? What happened? How long have I been here?--" My rant was cut off by pain from my torso. I hissed at the pain. At that time, I forgot all about the pain because my babies ran in. I felt a wide smile on my face as I heard them shout, "mommy, mommy, mommy!"

They gave me space, knowing somehow, I was hurting.

"Are you girls okay?" I asked checking all over them. I was in full mommy-mode now. My girls come first. Always.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: i do not own twilight ppl. So this is the third chapter. Between school and all the projects and my other stories its hard... unless I skip out on sleeping.**

"We're fine mommy," they whined together. That is still way to cute to me. It's adorable when they finish each others' sentences and say things at the same time.

"Just checking," I put my hands up in defeat. They giggled. I felt more pain shoot through me. I winced and grimaced. Jasper stood immediately and walked out of the room. I moment later, Carlisle walked through my room door.

"Bella! It's wonderful to see you again. I can't say I'm happy about why though," Carlisle frowned. The girls jumped in my bed and hid under the covers of the mentioning of the night before. That was probably yesterday now.

"You'll be discharged in a few hours. I need you to feel out some papers and then I think we need to talk." I nodded knowing the topic was inevitable. "For now, I'll give you something for the pain." he gave me a pill and told me it wouldn't make me drowsy.

Not surprisingly, as the room was filled with an awkward silence, I heard two peoples breathing even and heavy. The girls were out. I smiled again as the pain subsided and I viewed the girls sleeping.

"What's the damage, Carlisle?" I asked barely above a whisper.

"Besides the stab wounds and bruises all over your body, you have One cracked rib and two bruised ribs. There is also some tearing in other places...." He trailed off and I instantly knew what he was referring to. I nodded to save him from the discomfort. "I'm sorry to say this, but..... you lost the babies you were carrying." I looked at him confused.

"I'm not pregnant," I told Carlisle almost questioning his sanity.

"Yes, you were. You were having twins," He said somberly. That's when reality hit me. With all the stress and distractions I didn't even think about my menstrual. I hadn't had one in about a month or two. I sobbed twice. One for each darling child I lost. I closed my eyes willing the tears to go away.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," Esme and Carlisle said. Jasper nodded as well. I sighed and tried to clear my head. I was all his fault. I grew with anger. I'm sure Jasper could feel it all. I was way passed anger. I was furious... pissed... livid! I gave myself a moment to calm down.

"Bella.... what happened? Who did this to you?" Jasper asked in a pained and strained voice.

Could I tell them? Was I strong enough to relive the painful thoughts or strong enough to see the vivid images that would surely come? I had o clue. Then I thought about where I would go to when I was discharged. I definitely wasn't going to take my children back to live with that sick bastard. Where would I go? Then some nagging voice in the back of my head popped up.

_ You'll go to jail and your children will be out in the system. Or worse. Logan's friends will come after you and kill you. You know they will. Who is going to stop them? Certainly not Edward. He left you remember? Is he dead?" The voice said._

"Is he dead?" I asked in a weak, low, and cold.

"Who?" They all asked.

"My h-h-husband," I answered raising my gaze from the floor and met Jasper's.

"Why would he be?" Esme asked quietly.

"Because I stabbed him," I started to remember everything as the whole scene flashed in front of my eyes.

"What's your husbands name, Bella?" Carlisle asked softly.

"Logan Smith." I answered.

"Did he do this to you?" Jasper growled. I couldn't seem to find the words. I just nodded. "I'll kill him."

Before I even had the time to blink Jasper tried to shoot out of the room and Carlisle and Esme held him back. It was obviously a struggle for them. It lit a fire in me to see Jasper caring so much._ Woah! Where that come from?_ But why did he care so much.

I never really made a strong bond with Jasper as I did with the other Cullens. I always wanted to know him, but I never got the chance to. There was never opportunity. On top of that, Jasper seemed in pain with me so close anyway. I didn't want him to suffer because of me. This was different though. I felt something there. Like a pull.

My thoughts were interrupted by a frightened looking intern coming to see Carlisle.

"Dr. Cullen, sir, a Mr. Logan Smith needs immediate attention. He's coding." The intern panicked. He looked a little flushed. All hands

are needed on deck, sir," Carlisle simply nodded and the intern ran out of the room.

Logan? What does 'coding' mean? What is it?

"Do you want me to save his life, Bella or not try as hard and let him slip away?" Carlisle asked. Nice. Put this on the injured one.

**I know this chapter is really short, but it was either this or nothing for at least a week.**

**Review and I'll see if I can make the chapters nice and long. Come on people. Give me five reviews or suggestions.**


	4. chapter 4

**Disclaimer:I do not own Twilight.**

So many thoughts ran through my had. The flashes and memories of abuse. The pain and insults. Then there was the good times. Our wedding night, the birth of the twins, the happy times.

"Try to save him. Do what you can," I told him. He nodded solemnly.

"You sure, Bella," Jasper asked.

"He's still there dad," I motioned to the twins. "I can't have that on my conscious."

"I understand," He left the room. I suddenly felt a heavy wave of exhaustion. I silently thanked Jasper as sleep over took me.

I awoke to giggling and I smiled. That had to be the girls. I slowly opened my eyes. The light practically blinded me. I looked to where the giggles were coming from. I smiled at the sight. Jasper was playing with them. They tackled him and he willingly went down. My heart nearly broke.

Logan never played with the babies. He was always out of drunk. I sighed and Looked through the window. My heart hurt to know that I had fallen so hard for a monster. An abusive and cruel monster. The only thing I would never regret was the twins.

Valerie and Vaneesa were my rock. They still are. Now more than ever. Val and Ness looked at me. Their big brown eyes shining brightly. I also noticed that their pretty mahogany ringlets in pig tails. They had on pink and white ribbons and identical white and pink dresses.

**PART 2**

This was definitely not the work of me. They looked like me. Not one trace of Logan in them. I smiled. They smiled back.

"Mommy!" They ran over to me, but knew not to jump onto the bed. They were wise beyond their years.

"Who are you? You can't be my babies. My babies aren't so excited." I said.

"Grandma Esme and Aunt Rosalie promised to take us to the fair tomorrow. We've never been to the fair before." Valerie blurted.

"Is that so?" I looked towards the door where Rosalie and Esme stood and scowled at them. With Logan's friends running around, I didn't want my children in such big, confusing places. They could easily get lost. They both glanced at me sheepishly.

"Can we go," Vanessa asked with the cutest pout face. Valerie gave me big puppy dog eyes and said, 'pleeeeeezzze'. How could I deny those faces. I completely melted with one look at them.

"I guess it will be okay," I told them cautiously. Val jumped up and down clapping. Ness just smiled and hugged me. Valerie was the hyper and athletic one while Vanessa remained serene and graceful. They were complete opposites.

I greeted Rosalie. She was surprisingly nice. Emmett came in a little while later with half of the Mc'Donald's menu. His excuse was that he didn't know what we wanted to eat. We were all eating when Carlisle came in.

"Bella, Logan's okay. Are you pressing charges?" Carlisle asked. This was what I was already quipped to answer. I looked towards the twins and Esme took them for ice-cream.

"No," I said simply. They all were in the state of shock and couldn't protest right away.

"Why not?" Carlisle asked calmly.

"Because it won't make a difference."

They continued to stare at me. Rosalie cleared her throat.

"Could I speak to Bella alone, please?" Everyone but me and Rose was left in the room.

**PART 3**

"What's the real reason, Bella?" Rose asked.**(a.n. Keep in mind that Bella already knows her story. I didn't feel like typing it.)**

To say I was shocked was an understatement. I never got along with Rosalie, but she feels the need to help me?

"I don't want to and that's that," I lied.

"THAT'S BULL and you KNOW IT!" She yelled. She took a deep breathe and collected herself. Rosalie was scaring me a little bit. I had learned a long time ago.

"Why won't you press charges, Bella?" This time she was calm. I wondered if I should tell her. I sighed. "Bella... you know my story. We're alike." That drew me over the edge.

"No! We're not the same Rosalie! You were rich and weren't daily abused. You didn't have children and they didn't get yelled at. You weren't trapped in a marriage where if you tried to get out... you would die or worse... your babies got taken a-away. You wouldn't be scared if the next time, he goes too far and your babies are left with him. Scared to death that if something you, as time passes..he might do the same to your children," As soon as I thought about what could ever happen to my babies, I was sobbing. I could barely finish comparing the life styles. " So no, we're not the same."

I felt Rose's mouth open to say something. She stopped. Then she did something unexpected to me. She held me in her arms and let me soak her shirt with tears. She rocked me back and forth saying words that I couldn't even understand. I was to out of it. I finally got it together. She handed me a tissue.

"Now that we got the comparisons and stuff out of the way...why don't you want to press charges?" she continued.

"I'm sorry. I was rude and wrong. I apologize," I said when I realized that I had brought up the fact that Rosalie could never have children.

"It's fine,"she said.

"He would find me and the children. He knows people and judges and lawyers and can get his way easy. I've known him long enough to know that he's rich. Money and power can get him out of any tough situation. This wouldn't be a problem for him." I explained.

She looked shocked momentarily.

"Bella, I know I haven't been the nicest person in the world to you, but I would like to start over. You know. Be friends." Rosalie said. I was shocked but quickly responded with a nod of my head.

"I'd like that very much Rosalie," I smiled when she smiled at me.

"Well, since we're friends now, I think I should tell you something important. I won't let that bastard touch you ever again. And please believe me when I say that he'll never take your children," She looked deep into my eyes and I could tell she meant it. I nodded.

"as for him having connections, power, and money, we have that too." she said. "You can't go back there and stay. I insist upon you staying there. No one will mind," Rose said.

"No one?" I asked, remembering Edward. She briefly looked guilty.

"No one,?" she repeated. I nodded.

**If you guys haven't figured it out yet, I did some deleting of chapters and I put all of the chapter 4 parts together. I guess I can edit the story later as well. **


	5. what in the

**Disclaimer:Familiar characters belongs to Stephenie Meyer. So does Twilight.**

* * *

I walked up the steps to the Cullens new home. It was yet another white Victorian style house and it had Esme written all over it. The architecture was absolutely amazing and I made sure that I mentioned it.

She thanked me and took my children by the hands and led them into the house. Rosalie and Carlisle filed in behind us. I hadn't seen where Jasper had went, but I knew he was around somewhere. I immediately scolded myself when I remembered that Alice and Jasper are married and the thoughts that I was having were inappropriate. I frowned to myself when I thought about Alice.

"Esme, where is Alice?" I found myself asking as esme led me through the foyer.

"Alice has been busy lately. I'm sure she will come and see you sooner than later." Esme said. I heard hesitance and something else I couldn't identify in her voice. I noticed that Carlisle and Rose's demeanors had changed.

"Bella guess what!" Emmett yelled flying in the house at vampire speed. He almost gave me a heart attack. I was glad that the twin hadn't noticed Emmett's entrance. They were to entranced at the winding stair case and the chandelier. It was very beautiful. I turned my attention back to Emmett.

"What is it Emmett?" I asked cautiosly.

"I made a playground and a tree house today." He said. His grin was wicked wide as he clapped his hands. He was so proud.

"You did?" I asked with false excitement.

"Yeah. It was all for the twins. I figured that while they stay here, It would be a good way to keep them occupied. I smiled and then I frowned when I realized how much that would hjave cost them.

"You shouldn't have." I scolded.

"But he did," Rosalie said raising her eyebrow at me. I decided best on not arguing with her.

"Thank you Emmett. We appreciate it. Don't we girls?" I said.

The girls each attacked Emmett's legs. He laughed and picked them up gently and juggled them in the air. I smiled. Rose did too. They were squealing thanks and laughing at the same time. The finally began too protest when Emmett started to tickle them.

"Say I'm the best Uncle in the world and I have maaaaaaaaad skillz," Emmett said still tickling them.

Together, in between giggles, they used the sarcasm and wit they got from me.

"I'm the best Uncle in the world and I have maaaaaaaaad skillz," They said. We all laughed except for Emmett, who pouted at what they said. He should have been more specific. Those two were awfully witty and technical. Emmett stopped tickling them when he came to the conclusion that they had said exactly what he wanted them to say.

We all stood there in the foyer and calmed down. My bruised ribs were staring to hurt, I was laughing so hard. I heard thumping come from the stairs and moaning. Who was that. When I heard a squeal, it was apparent who that was.

I grabbed the children into my arms and strutted my way to the garden that was far enough where my children didn't have to listen to Alice and Jasper enjoying themselves. My children held confused expressions on their faces.

The Cullens followed us out of the house and sat with us in the garden. Emmett played with Valerie. And Esme and Rosalie played with Vanessa. Valerie was the tomb boy of the two. She wasn't one for the girly stuff. She hated shopping and getting her nails and hair done. She was my little athlete.

Vanessa, on the other hand, loved shopping and classical music and playing with her dollies. They were very different. Val was the loud outgoing twin while Ness was more reserved and girly. Some of the things they did have in common was Spongebob and cooking. They loved both with a passion.

Thirty minutes of my watching my children and theCullens laugh, the front door opened to reveal Alice and... he definitely wasn't Jasper.

"Edward?" I asked. I was still stunned as to what I was seeing. I couldn't actually believe that _my _Edward was sleeping with _my _best friend. Or who _was my _Edward and or who _was my _best friend. "Alice," those were the pitiful excuse for words that exited my mouth.

"B-Bella? W-wh—H-how? When?" Edward stuttered.

"I could ask the same questions or try to ask the same questions at least." I said. The words finally passed the lump in my throat. I wasn't really upset about Edward being with another woman, but more so the fact that I wasn't informed or the fact that this had have hurt Jasper. Did they consider Jasper's feeling? How did this even happen? When? Why? How come no one told me? Was this the kind of family I was entering into? This definitely wasn't the family who left five years ago.

"Maybe we should take the kids in the house," Carlisle suggested.

"No," I think it came out harsher than what was meant. I walked over to my kids that had froze along with Esme, Emmett and Rosalie. I thought Rosalie was on some path at being or becoming my friend. She was the last person I expected to be lying to me...Or this is exactly what I should expect from the old Rosalie. Maybe there was no new Rosalie to begin with.

I guess I looked at Rosalie to long. She must have figured it out. I tried to smile, but it came out as a grimace. Rosalie stood up and started towards me. I walked passed her and to my children. There was only one problem.

Emmett.

"Bella, where do you plan on going?" Emmett asked.

"Home," I said simply.

"Home is where your family is. Home is where you are loved. That _place isn't _your home." Esme stepped in.

"And where would that place be?" I asked her.

"Here," She said in so low in almost a whisper.

"Oh. You mean the place where '_family'_ is lied to? Or the place where my little ones are exposed to—to—to _this?"_

"We never meant to make you and your children feel that way!" Esme cried.

"Well that's how I feel," I said. "I _won't _stay here."

"Well you can't stay _there,"_ Rosalie said.

"Why not?" I asked. I knew the answer. I really hoped that they would get the picture.

"Because _he'd kill you," _Carlisle said.

"_He's _not home. He's at the hospital remember?"

"Weren't you worried about his friends doing the job for him?" Emmett asked.

"I think I'll take the risk," I said. I moved passed Emmett and scooped up the girls into my arms. It hurt my ribs like hell, but there was no way I would be admitting that today.

"Bella, be reasonable. Think about the girls,"Esme said in a pained voice. I turned around sharply and looked at the hurt on her face.

"We don't want to go home. Daddy's mean. I hate him!" Val cried.

"Me too,"Ness cried. They wrapped their arms around my neck and held on for dear life. My heart broke again when I thought about how I wasn't the only one who had to endure Logan's abuse.

"You can stay with me. Your children as well." I heard a voice say. Again, I turned around. Jasper. "Esme is right. You can't go back there. Would you and yours like to stay with me?"

I took a moment to think about the pros and the cons. There weren't any cons.

I nodded. "Whenever you're ready,"

"Wait. What happened. How is Bella here? Shouldn't she be in Forks?" Edward started.

"Who cares! Bella's back!" I heard Alice say behind me. I was lifted from the ground into a hug. I moaned in pain.

"Alice! Put her down!" Carlisle ordered doctorly.

"Oh, sorry." When I was set on my feet again.

"Bella, I never e=meant for this to happen. I never meant to cause you so much pain. We didn't plan it—," I cut Alice off.

"Jasper. I'm ready to go now," I said. I didn't feel like dealing with all of this. "I don't feel too good."

**OOOOOOOO so she and Jasper. In the same house. Under the same roof. Bouw-chika-wouw-wouw. So how fast on that do you guys want me to move on **_**that **_**front? I hope everything is awesome at your homes. Have a merry christmas. I'm going to see Alvin and The chipmunks: The squeakuel Hahahahahahahahahahaha it will be hilarious! So tomorrow I probably won't post. SUE ME! No I probably won't write from then on to New years day. For all those who don't know. My birthday is January 1****st****. **

**Oh you guys, I was supposed to let you all no that ****randomgirl55**** is no longer with us. Someone reported her. She said that she will be back after her writing skills develop some more. For all those who don't know of her, she was writing 'Once Upon A Dream' and another one is 'Seven Years'. Well I'm sure you've all read enough of my typing. Be happy and Merry on your Christmas day and ****REVIEW REVIEW*REVIEW*REVIEW*REVIEW!**


	6. Home

**Disclaimer:Familiar characters belongs to Stephenie Meyer. So does Twilight.**

* * *

"_I don't feel to good." _It was true. I didn't feel good. I actually felt quite nauseous.

I heard the comments and apologies, but I ignored them and continued to follow Jasper to his car. I noticed two car seats in the backseat of his car. I was about to say something to Jasper when I heard it. I passed the girl to Jasper.

"You trust Jasper?! The one who tried to eat you on your birthday?" Edward growled. I turned around at Edward's comment after I handed my girls over to Jasper. I walked to Edward as fast af I could and stood in front of him. Our bodies inches apart. " How could you trust him, Bella?" I felt rage pouring off of me. I also felt Jasper throwing waves of calm my way, but my anger was more potent and could not be tamed.

"How could I trust him? Edward, please tell me. Who should I trust? You? I don't think so. Yes, I trust Jasper. I never blamed him for anything. I never blamed you for anything. At least not until now. I see the true Edward coming out. I see passed the fake charm and pretty boy looks." I let him ponder that for a few seconds. " Goodbye, Edward," I let my anger pass through me and once again, went to the car. Jasper spoke.

"I don't think you have the right to feel betrayed Edward." He put the girls in their seats and opened my door.

"Thank you," I said.

"You're more than welcome," He told me in his thick accent. His voice almost made my knees weak.

As soon as my door was closed, we were pulling out. I turned and looked out of the back window. The Cullens were getting smaller and Rose gave a small humble smile and wave. I smiled back at her and at Esme. Esme panic-stricken face relaxed. I turned back around in my seat and sighed. There was no way I could stay mad at the Cullens. At least those four. Alice and Edward I'm pissed off at. I found myself getting angrier at the fact of them causing Jasper pain.

I didn't want to bring up what had obviously been happening in front of my sleeping girls. I just looked out of the window. The trees passed by in a blur on account of Jasper's driving. There was nothing but land and trees for quite some time. I wondered how far out we really were from civilization.

I briefly thought of returning to the house where I had lived. I needed some things out of there for the girls. Did Jasper have food at his home? I knew the girls would most likely be hungry when they woke up. They always were. If not they would be okay while I order something.

I hoped that I wasn't imposing on Jasper in anyway. I had understood that he had been living alone, under the circumstances. I didn't know how long _that_ had lasted, but I knew it was long enough for Jasper to want out. Would bringing it up later make him uncomfortable? I surely hope not. Had Alice cheated on him or were they divorced? I was so curious.

"What are you so confused, hesitant, and curious about?" Jasper asked.

"It's not something I feel comfortable talking about right now," I gave an apologetic smile.

"I understand. If you are going to be staying here, I want you to feel comfortable talking to me. I won't bite." He joked. I smiled and nodded my head, showing him that I understood.

After a few more minutes of driving, we were at this huge house. I was surprised that it was just Jasper. It could fit many others from the looks of it.

"Wow" I said. "It huge,"

"Really? I'd like to think this is a modest size." Jasper said. When he smiled, my heart skipped a beat.

"Well if this is modest by your standards, I'd hate to see what large is." I whispered. In the next second, my door was open and he was picking the children up out of the car. He was careful not to wake them, but them being my children, they woke up anyway. Curious as always.

"Where are we?" They said simultaneously, looking at me for an answer. Jasper didn't give me any time to respond before he said, "You're new home"

I was going to say Jasper's house. I looked up at him curiously.

"It's our house while you're here. Don't argue, please." He looked at me with begging eyes. How could I deny those eyes anything? I nodded as Vanessa took my hand. To my surprise, Valerie took hold of Jasper's hand, beaming at him when he smiled at her.

"Well, ladies, follow my at see your new abode." Jasper drawled out in his accent. It was so H.O.T.

He pulled us through the house. Every aspect of it was gorgeous. It seemed we had similar taste. The color scheme, the way things were placed, everything. I was absolutely amazed when he showed the girls their room. It was full of Spongebob. The girls loved it and immediately pulled away from us to admire the room more closely.

There was a chest of toys in the corner of the room and a wooden wardrobe.

"How did you know?" I inquired where the children couldn't hear.

"I caught them watching SpongeBob in the hospital room and I couldn't resist. Even if you weren't going to stay here, you had to visit sometime." Jasper explained.

"Thank you. You're to much." I felt my eyes start to water. I couldn't explain how grateful I was.

"It no problem. You and your girls deserve nothing less than the best." He said with conviction. I blushed red. Trying to hide my blush, I looked at the ground and let my hair curtain in front of my face. Cold fingers were instantly under my chin pulling my head back up. Soon enough, my eyes were looking into his golden orbs.

"Please don't look away from me. You're eyes and blush are two of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. If possible, I blushed harder. "There is no reason to feel self-conscious or embarrassed. You. Are. Beautiful." Jasper whispered strongly. I nodded.

"Thank you." I told him kindly. I felt a sharp pain in my abdomen. I'm assuming Jasper felt it too.

"You should get some rest." I started to argue with him, bringing up the fact that the kids had to be watched and fed. "Don't worry. I'll do that. Get some rest." He ordered and pulled me into my room. He helped me into bed and I couldn't get to sleep because of the pain. He was back with Tylenol and a glass of water shortly after. Then He hit me with a wave of fatigue, with my permission, of course.

Just as I was drifting of to sleep, I felt cold lips touch my cheek and I could almost swear I heard him say 'I love you''. My sleep getting to me, I couldn't be sure, but I think I to;d it back.

* * *

**Yay!!! So I'm back and out of my runt. I'm getting a job soon, so the updates might not be coming as often, but I will update and finish all of my stories. Ummm...Oh! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11**


	7. question

**Disclaimer:Familiar characters belongs to Stephenie Meyer. So does Twilight.**

* * *

I woke with a pain in my ribs. Every breathe I took was painful. Without meaning to, I let a loud gasp escape through my lips. Jasper was standing at the door the second afterward holding a glass of water and two pain pills. He handed them to me and I immediately took them and drank the water down.

"Thank you," I said softly. I was trapped in his eyes when I looked up. I guess I had stopped breathing because he instructed me to breathe. I immediately exhaled. I realized that I was in serious need of that air because my lungs tried to do a little happy dance. If that was even possible.

"No problem. I ordered you some lunch."

"Lunch? What time is it?" I asked. There was absolutely no way I sleep that long. I never slept longer than a few hours, but if it was lunchtime, I had to have been out for at least thirteen hours.

"It is almost 1:00. You've been sleeping like a baby." Jasper said with a smile.

"Oh no!" I threw my legs over the bed and tried to stand, but I staggered and Jasper caught me. "Thank you."

"I don't think that you should be out of bed so soon. Esme and Rosalie still want to take the girls to the fair and I was going to come and wake you to ask if that was okay?" I needed to think about that for a moment. It wasn't long before I had reached my decision.

"Of course," I said. Then I heard two little squeals of excitement. And to more adult laughs. Val and Ness peeked around the corner with smiles on their faces. I motioned for them to come in.

One after the other, they skipped to my bedside.

"Hello,girls," I told them. I leaned in to give them each a kiss on the cheek. They smiled and laughed.

"You slept for a long time mommy." Val said.

"Well mommy was very tired. I didn't mean to sleep for so long. I won't sleep that long anymore. How's that sound?" I reasoned with her and her sister.

"Okay, but we had fun when you were sleeping." Val said.

"Really?" I asked. They both nodded.

"Grandma Esme and Auntie Rose took us to the playground that Uncle Em built for us. It was fun." Ness. Said. I gasped in exasperation.

"What did you do?" I asked sounding over interested.

"We slip down a BIG scary slide!" Val said.

"No way! No way!" I said looking at them with wide eyes.

"Way!!!" They shouted in sync. I laughed at the cuteness. I heard several other laughs from Jasper, Esme, and Rosalie.

"Mommy?" Ness asked.

"Yes?" I inquired.

"That's not all we did." She answered.

"Really?" I asked leaning towards her like she was going to tell me a secret.

"We played on the swing set and beat Uncle Emmett up for being a bad dragon monster." Ness giggled and I laughed.

"That's so cool! Now how about you let mommy talk with your grandma and your aunt?" I asked. They nodded and went off to do whatever they do together. Esme and Rosalie walked in right after the girls left.

"Hey Bella."

"Hi sweety."

"Hey you guys?" I said in response.

"I'm so glad you didn't change your mind about letting us take them to the fair." Esme said. I shook my head and Rosalie spoke.

"Yeah and I hope you didn't mind about Emmett taking them to play."

"I don't mind that so much as I mind what they might have been exposed to." I said inferring.

"You won't have to worry to much on that. We sent them to a different location for a week or so. Edward won't stay away for much longer without answers." Esme said. She sat on the bed next me and continued to speak. "Carlisle and I are really sorry about Alice and Edward's behavior. And I'm sorry we left. And I'm sorry you had to see him again. And—," I cut her apologies off.

"It's fine. I'm over him. I'm over it. I just don't wont the girls to be around that sort of stuff. You are all forgiven, so long as nothing else is kept from me." I said. They both nodded eagerly.

"Thank you, Bella. I hope this didn't ruin that potential friendship that we were talking about." Rosalie seemed fearful for a moment. In all my days of knowing Rosalie, I have never seen her look fearful. She was always either angry or nonchalant.

"Of course, it didn't Rosalie. It 's all fine. I promise." I said causing Rosalie to give me a grateful smile. I threw her the best smile I could give her, but my smile turned into a yawn. Jasper—who I hadn't noticed—let out a laugh and said, "Maybe you guys should get going. Her pills are kicking in. She needs her rest. And her lunch just arrived."

"Oh, pish posh. I'm not going to sleep. It was just a little yawn." I said. Then my body betrayed me, and I know again. I heard him chuckle again and Esme rose from the bed. As if on cue, the door bell rang.

"I'll go and get it." Rosalie dashed out of the room and I assume she got the food from the delivery person because she brought it back. I smiled my thank you and sat back against the headboard.

"We're going to get going. Is there anything you would like us to remember when we are with the girls?" Esme looked to me for answers.

"Ness is allergic to mushrooms and Val is allergic to bees. Other than that, there is nothing else." I told her. They nodded. The girls came in to tell me goodbye and they were off.

"I hope you like Chinese. I wasn't sure what you might want or like." Jasper made it sound like a question, but I knew it was a statement. I also hadn't had Chinese food since the last time, Logan took me out with his friends. That was at least a hundred years ago.

"I love Chinese food. Thank you." I told him.

"Your welcome, Isabella." Jasper said. I normally hated when people called me by my first name, but when he said it, it rolled off of his tongue like smooth waves rolling in the ocean. It was beautiful.

I stuffed some of the Lo Mien noodles into my mouth and couldn't prevent the moan that came out of my mouth. My eyes opened in surprise to see that Jasper was staring at me in curiousity.

"What is it?" I was hesitant in asking.

"Well I was just wondering when you were going to ask me questions about Alice and Edward." He admitted after a moment.

"Oh. I don't think that was going to happen anytime soon, but since you brought it up... How long has this been going on?" I asked, jumping at the opening of the discussion.

**Sorry for the delay. If any of you are following my other stories, there will be updates within the next two weeks. Puppies are hard work. She is a Lab mix and her name is Cinnamon Harris. :D I'm training her now. She's officially 9 weeks. And she is paper trained. Okay so this chapter was pretty much an opener for the next chapter. The next chapter is the chapter where all the background information is revealed. Stick around. **

**Reviews make chapters come faster! SO REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!!!**

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	8. answers

**Disclaimer: Familiar characters belongs to Stephenie Meyer. So does Twilight.**

**SORRY!I always keep you guys waiting but hopefully this chapter will have been worth the wait. This is what you have all been waiting for. Answers. Here goes the chapter.**

**Previously...**

"_What is it?" I was hesitant in asking._

"_Well I was just wondering when you were going to ask me questions about Alice and Edward." He admitted after a moment._

"_Oh. I don't think that was going to happen anytime soon, but since you brought it up... How long has this been going on?" I asked, jumping at the opening of the discussion._

Jasper was silent for a moment and I could only guess that he was calculating how long it had been or how to phrase it. He didn't keep me waiting for an answer too long. I know because I was totally floored with the answer he gave and what was left of my ego was crushed.

"Seven years. More or less."

"When did you find out about it?" I asked. My curiosity was making an appearance today.

"Well Alice and I had broken up about a month or two after you left, and the next month, I found out." Jasper said. Wow. Now my curiosity was turned towards another question that was now plaguing my mind.

"Why did you guys break up?"

"Me and Alice had been drifting apart a long time before you came, and I think that it was mainly me and the rest of the family that chose to ignore it all. When I took a snap at you— which I am truly sorry for by the way."

"You were forgiven the night that it happened. Did you not know of this?" I asked. Maybe none of them told him. Just that thought made me mad. He told me that he had been informed and then he continued his story and I was listening intently.

"As I was saying, when I took a snap at you, Alice never forgave me. She said that she couldn't stand the fact that her best friend," I scoffed. " had almost been my meal and that she couldn't stand the fact that she had to keep a constant watch over me and my future top stop me from taking the innocent lives of others. She told me that she could never forgive me for what I had done. She completely blamed me for Edward leaving you and resulting in the whole family leaving with him.

"I blamed myself as well. Alice, knowing this, played on those thoughts of mine and now that I think about it, I believe even Edward was in on it. The day she told me these things, she also said that she believed it was best that we broke up. If I said that I was heartbroken and sad about the break up, I wouldn't be speaking of the truth. I'm glad that I wasn't because it would have made the knowledge of her cheating on me with my brother that much harder. I'm sorry about all this Isabella. I can't help but feel responsible for all of this—," I wasn't upset over any of this, I had this ridiculous sense of hope. For what I didn't know, but I had plenty time to think about how unworthy I was later. For right now my only concern was getting Jasper to stop thinking that all of this mess was his fault.

"How?" I asked that simple one worded question, but it was filled with so much meaning and wonder that the length didn't matter.

"Maybe I wasn't so daft and thick headed, I could have figured all of this out before and saved you all of this heartbreak. For that I am sorry." He said.

"But then I wouldn't have even met any of you. I wouldn't have enjoyed any of my stay at Forks and wouldn't have experienced any of the happiness that I felt. Even though it was only for a short time, I'll always remember. Not only that, but I like to have a laugh at my expense when I sit back and look at my life. I can see the naive little girl I was and I can see how little I knew of the cruel world that has graced me with it's presence. I can't believe sink into this life of such pain. Not only did my family not deserve to be treated as if I didn't care, but I pulled two of the most beautiful girls that I have ever known and loved into it with me. I'm happy on some sick level that I miscarried. I honestly don't know how I could have handled it all." I said.

I believe that the majority of what I said was more of me talking to myselt. How did I get here? Why did this happen to me? To my girls? What did I do wrong that this life was chosen for me? I knew all of the answers, but at the same time, I didn't.

"What are you thinking about that has you feeling such confusion?" Jasper asked.

"About everything. Wondering how I got here. How I got in this situation." I told him truthfully.

"Will you tell me about it all?" Jasper asked after a moment of silence passed between us.

I felt comfortable with Jasper. I felt like I could tell him anything and everything would be okay. I just didn't know where or how to begin. Should I start from when they left or should I start from when I met Logan?

"Well, I guess I should start at the beginning. Where it all started. You all left without a goodbye and that hurt me, then after being distant, Edward tells me that he didn't love me anymore, that he had his distractions, and that what we had was nothing. I was this shell of myself for a few month before I started to get these feelings that something bad was going to happen. That someone was watching me. At night, I could swear that I could see Laurent's or Victoria's face in my bedroom window at the strangest times." Jasper hissed when he heard their names and cursed Edward for not listening to him when he told him that they needed to kill both Victoria and Laurent even after the death of James.

" An old family friend, Jacob Black, became like my sun on one of the darkest of nights. We hung out had fun. He pulled me out of the daze I was in and he taught me how to ride a motorcycle." I had to stop him from interrupting when he heard this bit of information. "Jacob started getting distant and he told me that he couldn't hang out with me anymore. He couldn't tell me why or anything. He just lost all contact. I thought he had stopped talking to me because when he confessed his love for me, I told him that I didn't reciprocate those feelings. I tried my best to ignore the second hole that Jacob had unknowingly created in my chest.

"In desperate hopes to try to get closer to Edward, I started looking for the meadow. Our meadow. The one where he first showed himself to me. One time when I got lost, I saw these huge things. They looked like huge dogs, but they were the size of bears. I later found out that Jacob was a werewolf. Of course that was after my encounter with Victoria and Laurent after I found the meadow. Jacob and his pack killed them both and I never had to worry about that again.

"Jacob and I started to hang out again because I already knew the secret that he was trying to hide from me and he was still in love with me regardless of my feelings or lack thereof. I started to think about everything and I asked myself why shouldn't I try something with Jacob. About two weeks into it, we had slept together and I had fallen hard for him. Then, one afternoon we went to the store. He locked eyes with this gorgeous girl and after that, he didn't have a second thought about me. He told me that it was called imprinting and he was sorry that it had to end that way.

"I slipped into a semi depression and I fast tracked my way through the rest of high school and speed through my first year at the University of Alaska. That's where I met Logan. He was finishing up his internship at one of the local hospitals and was volunteering and giving lectures at my college. He started coming more often and he flirted even though I didn't flirt back. He became my best friend and I slowly started to depend on him being there. We dated and fell in love. We married quickly and before I realized it, we were in New York and I was pregnant with twins. That's when he started the verbal abuse. Picking on my weight and looks. Telling me that I looked like a whale among other things. After the twins were born, he started to drink. Heavily. He'd get upset over the tiniest things and hit me. The next day, he'd always get me a gift and apologize.

"I saw this movie called _Enough_ and I realized the deep shit I had buried myself and my girls into. When I confronted him and told him that I was leaving, he threw reality at me and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I didn't have money. I hadn't talked to my parents or anyone from my old life since I finished high school and he told me that he'd always find me. I stayed. Everything got worse. He he'd umm make me pleasure him when ever he felt like it. Even in front of his friends. They didn't care. He'd yell at the girls for playing or laughing. He'd make the food in the house scarce. That went so far 'til the point were I had to give my meals to the girls so they wouldn't be hungry. After a while, we ended up here. Ad that is about it. My life. It sucks." I finished my story.

Jasper wiped his thumbs against my cheeks and told me not to cry. I hadn't even realized I was crying.

"I can't imagine what you went through. All I know is that most 60 year olds haven't had near as much pain in their lifetime that you've had over the last few years. All I can say is that you are an amazingly strong and beautiful woman. Any good guy would be lucky to have you and that is the truth. I promise that I will never let any of those bastards ever hurt you again." I suddenly realized how close he was to me. I quickly closed the distance and pulled him in for a kiss. I had no clue where the burst of confidence came from, but I certainly needed it and I would never regret the kiss even if Jasper had no feeling for me whatsoever. I pulled away and apologized, although I didn't mean it.

"I'm not. Sorry, I mean. I don't regret that kiss and I can't read your emotions for some strange reason. I could a minute ago, but I know that deep down, you're just as sorry as I am," Jasper said.

I found myself leaning in closer. I unknowingly licked my lips as I marveled at the fine structure that was called his lips. As soon as the thought crossed my mind, his lips were on mine. I smiled into his lips and we kissed each other passionately.

"We can move slow," he said as soon as we broke apart.

"I'm honestly not worth the time that you would be wasting on me. I don't want to start something that is just going to end badly for the both of us" I said quietly. I turned my head away and let my hair fall as a curtain between us. I couldn't handle the rejection. I knew it was coming. He would admit that I am right, I would be heartbroken, and we would both regret both kisses.

He moved the hair away, but I closed my eyes and avoided looking into his.

"Please look at me, Isabella," Jasper said in a desperate voice. I couldn't deny that voice anything, so I begrudgingly opened them and met his golden eyes. They seemed more smoldering than anything. More passionate.

"Anytime I spend with you will be worth it. Never don't your worth. You mean so much to me already and I don't even known all of you. But I would most certainly love to get to know you better Bella. If you don't want to start anything, I think that is too late for that because I'm already falling for you." Jasper confessed. He was falling for me?

"I'm falling for you too Jasper, but I just can't. Not right now. I don't want to risk my heart again." I whispered the ending, but I knew he could hear me anyway.

"We're going too fast then. We can start out friends. If you want to continue, then we can keep going. We can take it as slow as you want. I'd never hurt you are your girls intentionally. Rather it be physically or emotionally, and I will always be here for you. No matter what because you are worth it."

**Again, I'm sorry for the terribly long wait. Time slipped away from me. So how did you like it? Was it worth the wait? What will Bella do? What will Bella say? Review. Because I want to know all of your opinions. **


	9. author's note! very important

**For all of you who expected this to be another update, I'm really sorry but this is just an author's note. Many people are confused as to what happened to all of the chapters in this story. I did some editing. I didn't change a thing. I simply deleted any author notes that were written as actual chapters. I also combined chapter four's three parts. It didn't make sense for them to be separated seeing as they were really short. I hope this answers any questions that you all may have. I also added a new chapter. Just in case you didn't know. I mentioned it because I'm not one of those people who actually go back and look.**

**In case none of you knew this... I don't have a beta for this story and many of my others. Anyone no any good ones? Anyone want to be a beta. Not just a person that edits, but a person that inputs ideas and possibly help me write the chapters. You don't have to have any experience, of course, but I would appreciate you being a little creative.**

**On another note, there is a really awesome story that my friend posted. It is called 'Rebuilding' and it is by "BleedingLove101". It is really awesome so far. This is her summary...  
**

"**Six years ago, she was newlywed and her future was bright. Now, she was in a city she knew nothing about and where nobody knew her. She had just committed a crime, although it was a just punishment in her eyes, and had no idea what was in store for her." **  
**I won't tell you to much about it, but I suggest that you read it and spread the word about this awesome story and the awesome author. **  
**Oh and don't forget to review for her and for me. ** **:) smiles :)**


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